Fatal Affair (2020) is a paint-by-numbers psychological suspense film starring Nia Long and Omar Epps. From the title and trailer, we knew that this would be a tale as old as time. Many on twitter joked that Fatal Affair was just a rehash of films like Obsessed (2009), No Good Deed (2014), The Perfect Guy (2015), When the Bough Breaks (2016), and The Intruder (2019). Here’s a recap of the most laughable moments from Fatal Affair.
Ellie – The Ditsy Love Interest
Three minutes into the film, Ellie was holding her phone upside down. I don’t even know why I expected her to have a drop of sense.
INSERT PHOTO: FA – Ellie Phone
The bathroom scene had me asking if people fell this easily into entanglements. From the trailer, I assumed the ‘affair’ took place in David’s home. Nah, they were in a public bathroom. Wasn’t Ellie the one saying they need to change location because if people saw them drinking they would start to talk? LOL, these clowns choose a bathroom where the door doesn’t even lock to get their freak on! Bomboclaat!
Except for David stopping even though he’d already taken Ellie’s panties off, this entire bathroom scene was a mess. Ellie doesn’t take back her underwear and she exits the bathroom before buttoning her top. SMH.
Everyone in this movie was thirsty AF. Ellie was caressing her breast in the back of the Uber and she ain’t even had the peen yet. I screamed!
When David showed up at Ellie’s house, she should have blown up his spot and admitted that they went to college together and that he worked at her last job. So much of this movie was me screaming “Just tell your husband!!!”.
The restaurant scene was another moment where I got all of my life. I don’t know why Ellie thought talking to this man one on one was gonna help things. And those big ole paparazzi shades. PAHAHAHA.
Ellie waited for hours outside of David’s building as if it ain’t got multiple exits. Didn’t she need to pee?
I loved how the receptionist woman just let Ellie into David’s apartment. Talkin bout “We’ve all had those nights”. No one asked you to play Fairy Thotmother.
The only smart thing Ellie did was guess homeboy’s password.
Ellie had the audacity to hold on to David when he was hanging off the cliff. I would have pulled a Scar and let Mufassa fall off.
David – The Murderous Hacker
David, came on so heavy. Not even fifteen minutes into the movie, and he dropped four compliments, asked for a date twice, and straight up questioned whether Ellie’s marriage was in trouble. Who does that? A stalker does, that’s who!
When David said, “Who you think you talking to Deborah?”, I was like dawg, losing your cool is not the way to get the girl, especially not when you call her by the wrong name.
INSERT PHOTO: FA – David Angry
When David broke into Ellie’s closet, I thought, ain’t no sense sniffing fresh underwear, it just gonna smell like Downy.
David is an incompetent and messy murderer who leaves his DNA all over the scene of the crime. I ain’t seen not one glove of proper disposal of bodies nowhere.
What hacker manually drags an email into the trash folder? Don’t he know Gmail has email filters that will automatically delete any email from Ellie for him? #Fail.
Also, why didn’t David have a tracker on Ellie’s car? Yuh sleeping on de job, man.
Also, who has incriminating files on their computer’s desktop? I’m not a hacker, but even I have password-protected files on my computer. SMH. I screamed when I saw the files were just named ‘Deborah’ and ‘Ellie’. Sir, Deb been dead. You should have deleted them files long ago. And what kind of investigation did the police do if Ellie found everything she needed right on the desktop? Do better!
David didn’t need to kill Estelle. Every low-level scammer from India knows how to spoof a phone number.
Marcus – The Foine but Bland Husband
All I can say was Marcus was foine but so bland and completely useless.
Courtney – The Peen-Thirsty Friend
The whole scene where Courtney tells Ellie David’s version of events. Girl, first of all, is the peen that good that you going to believe some random jump off instead of your friend? And if he admitted to knowing Ellie, why did he introduce himself as if they’d never met? David said he was a hacker and did things that were legally in a gray area, you don’t think he can’t fake some text messages???
Courtney is a fake friend. She knew the password to David’s phone and never thought to do some snooping? I bet even Offset has more security than that. You think Cardi can touch Offset’s phone? PAHAHAHA, never in her silicone dreams.
INSERT PHOTO: FA – Courtney
Eeeeew, David gave Courtney Ellie’s underwear. Sir, what? Courtney, girl, why are you accepting lingerie without tags. SMH.
While we’re on the topic of useless friends, can we talk about Nicole, the woman Ellie met to discuss David’s past? At first, Nicole was all like “I don’t remember much about back then” but then two seconds later she’s like “Deborah looked just like you”. And then she dropped all kinds of intel about David’s temper and the details surrounding Deborah’s murder. Which one is it sis? Do you know David or nah?
Brittany – The Baby-Haired Daughter
You could tell Brittany was a nonfactor; homegirl had the same hairstyle the entire film. It’s as if all her scenes were shot the same day because you can see the pinup getting more undone as the film progressed.
If David needed a light to walk through the house, why was the daughter walking around in darkness talking ‘bout she gonna make popcorn at midnight? If I heard a creak in the night, I would turn the lights on, not walk around in darkness.
In the epilogue, Brittany leaving for school, not at all concerned for her parents or grieving her dead boyfriend, sent me. Lil baby hurrs was like, “This was fun and all, but lemme go get this diploma right quick”
Roasting aside, Fatal Affair and similar films that could appear on Lifetime are supposed to be messy. We love to see it. So, thanks Netflix for sprinkling some joy into the dumpster fire that is 2020.